Dealing With Toxic People: 7 Strategies
by Mark Jenney
They lie. They gossip. They complain. They’re manipulative. They’re a swirling hurricane of negativity, and they always seem to be heading in your direction, threatening to knock you down and pull you into their storm. Unfortunately, toxic people are are in every workplace, and even if they don’t know it, their poor attitude and difficult behavior can be a real drain on workplace productivity, morale, and success.
Dealing with toxic people is more than an inconvenience — it’s a source of stress that can burn you out and keep you from getting ahead. However, like any other difficult situation, toxic people can be managed in several ways, all of which can keep you from losing your edge and your motivation. Here are seven strategies for handling the toxic people in your life.
1. Keep your distance, both emotionally and physically. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be cordial or civil to the toxic people with whom you work, but you should definitely set some physical boundaries and limit the time you spend with them. When you pass them in the corridor, it’s absolutely right to say hello and smile. However, draw the line at unnecessary contact, like going out for a casual lunch or meeting up after work. You’ve got other plans that don’t involve their poor attitude.
2. Realize that true happiness comes from within. The thing about toxic people is that they pick targets. If you work with a negative and toxic person, sooner or later, they’ll set their sights on you. However, this person’s trash talking shouldn’t affect your happiness or sense of self worth. Yes, we all need to listen to criticism to evolve into better versions of ourselves, but there’s a difference between constructive criticism and flat out negativity. You might be worried about what other co-workers think after hearing this, but just remember that you’re probably not the only one who’s tired of this toxic person’s complaining.
3. Keep your internal monologue positive. It may seem a little silly to walk around telling yourself that you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you, but you know what? Those are all positive and true things. You may not want to phrase it in such a namby-pamby way, but keep the thoughts in your head — especially those pertaining to you — positive. This will put you in the right frame of mind to deal with anyone, toxic or otherwise.
4. Don’t just lend an ear — lend a solution. Toxic people tend to complain — a lot. But nothing good comes from complaining; it only leads to stress, negativity, and more complaining. You can listen a little (even toxic people deserve the opportunity to vent once in a while), but after a few minutes, try to steer things in a more positive direction. Ask how the situation can be made better or how the problem can be solved. Doing so creates a more productive conversation, cuts off much of the complaining, and perhaps shows the toxic person that you’re not going to let their bad attitude ruin your day.
5. Prevent your emotions from taking over. Look: toxic people are annoying. However, fuming at them, telling them off, or showing your frustration can make you seem toxic too. Similarly, getting your emotions dragged into their vortex of anger distracts you from the good things in your own life. Instead, do your best to remain calm and level headed. Not only will it keep you on the right track, but it may even inspire the toxic individuals around you to make an attitude adjustment .
6. Take care of yourself physically. The sound body-sound mind connection is a strong one, so be sure to eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise on a regular basis. Good nutrition keeps you from feeling sick and worn down, a good night’s sleep allows your brain to recharge and keeps you sharp, and physical activity is a good, cathartic way to blow off steam and feel refreshed and relaxed.
7. Surround yourself with good people. Your choice isn’t being around a toxic person or being alone. You can choose to spend time with upbeat, positive people who seek solutions rather than dwell on problems and see opportunities where others see inconveniences. You’ll be happier in the long run, and you might even set an example for the toxic people in your life and convince them to change their ways.
It’s not easy to work with a toxic person, especially on a daily basis. However, their poor attitude doesn’t have to affect your good one, and their toxicity does not have to be a permanent condition. By keeping your emotions under control, keeping your paths from crossing too much, and staying positive about yourself, you can keep from joining in on their complaining and victimhood. And who knows? Perhaps your approach may be an inspiration for the toxic people in your life to change their ways.